How many people wake up in the morning to look in the mirror and start the day with the question “what will go wrong today?” “what’s the next bad thing to happen?” We mentally prepare ourselves for the worst thing to hit us, because that’s what we have been taught. Bil-malti ngħidu “aħseb fil-ħażin ħalli t-tajjeb ma jonqos”. It has been ingrained in our system.
You might think you are a negative person, but maybe you aren’t, and you are just scared and vulnerable. You fear being happy, because the fear of unexpectedly losing that happiness is much greater. How many times have you been exhilarated about something, looking forward to an event, and then you are disappointed by something or someone, and your mood is screwed up? It happens once, I can deal with it; it happens twice, it must be bad luck; it happens for a third time, then I might be allowing it?
Sometimes it is easier to suck it in and prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario, rather than risk failing after trying hard. But what if you trying isn’t worthless, and it goes well? I guess we’re too scared, because we are not emotionally strong enough to be let down, but, the only way to win is managing to get comfortable with being let down, and realize it is not a reflection of who you are. What happens doesn’t necessarily have to do with your actions or your personality. Boost up that self-esteem of yours that makes you doubt yourself so much.
People who know me well, know how much I love keeping fit and working out. But I cannot forget one comment said to me recently by a friend who knows my lifestyle. It started with a simple question of “how many times do you train your body?” I said, “at least 4 times a week, why?” to which she replied, “it’s useless having a strong body, if you cannot have a strong mindset; muscle-up your brain as well my dear”. She had a point.
I won’t fill you up with bullshit; “keep calm”, “love yourself more”, “don’t overthink” are all good advice to keep in mind but far from easy to attain fully in all circumstances of life. I think the first step towards changing yourself and your life to the better is self-awareness and owning up to your shortcomings. It might not be shortcomings towards other people, it might be shortcomings towards yourself. In fact, the kindest, selfless people often neglect their well-being.
For example; it doesn’t come natural to me to eat healthy, but I’d like to eat better so that my diet is in line with my fitness patterns. It’s very hard for me to stir myself towards a salad, still I do it and force myself into it because I want it so much. I want to feel healthy. In the same way, it might not come natural to you and me to change our ‘negative’ mindset, but since what we are doing isn’t presently working wonders, and we want to be happier big time, we have to find the courage to change what we don’t like!
As from tomorrow, I myself, will be trying to change the terminology of my life. Instead of waking up feeling scared, and wondering what will screw up my mood, I will wake up to say, “let me use my time right and make the best of today”. No, you are not crazy to talk to yourself and repeat stuff over and over until it sticks there. Choose not to feed your anxiety, but rather to extinguish it with positive thoughts, with less drama, less grudges, and more kindness and forgiveness. Learn to forgive yourself too. Remember you are not bad nor a failure, you are good with a lot of scars that changed the way you view the world. You need to be gentle and patient now, to regain your true self and cut off toxic thoughts.
I tried this a lot of times, and I failed. I will try again.